The Erotic Adventures of Lolita (1982) (imdb)
This film directed and produced by Leon Gucci in 1982. A bad falsetto theme song (John N. Michael is credited with this musical abortion) hits us as a young woman, Lolita (Tammy), gets off of her school bus and we see her walk hand in hand with a slightly older girl (Tigr) through the woods. Cut to the inside of a nearby home where Ralph Harper is getting head form Terri Stevens. These are Tigr’s parents and she watches them get it on through the window.
Tigr takes off and goes to feed her best friend in the world, a horse, a yummy carrot. She tells the horse what she saw and tells her how it makes her feel really funny. She lures the horse to the stable and you start to think some laws are going to be broken, but nope, the horse takes off and Tiger keeps talking to herself about these new revelations. Once she’s done yapping, she fingers herself while some obviously looped ‘ooo ahhh’ effects play over top. A local boy (Steve Parks) interrupts her and she gives him head before they have sex. Cue more looped sound effects like ’slurp slurp’ and ‘oh yeah’ over and over again.
From here we see the maid (Louise Parks) yelling at her boyfriend (Ron Jeremy wearing nothing but denim coveralls) for fooling around with thirteen year old Lolita (don’t worry, the disclaimer the beginning ensures all performers are legal adults). He defends himself saying he was just playing around, and he shows her that his wang is flaccid so that she’ll know he’s serious. They get it on in the house as the bad La-La-La-La-La-La-Lolita song plays again as the scene switches over to our heroine alone in her room. She talks about how everyone is mean to her and how boys are jerks as she undresses in front of the mirror and decides to explore herself. She diddles herself, talking about how nice it is, and then it cuts back to Ron and Louise getting down and dirty with more insanely bad slurping effects.From there, Lolita visits Tigr who tells her how she saw mom and dad do the deed. They talk about the birds and the bees and then they get it on with one another beside a tranquil lake. Lolita comes home and gets into an argument with her parents (Henry Margolis and Copper Penny) after frenching her dad in front of her mom. The parents argue, but soon they have make-up sex in the living room.
In the next scene, Lolita is home alone when a door to door salesman (Ron Hamilton) comes by. He tells her he has some toys to show her after she tells him her parents are not home. Of course, he’s got sex toys and he shows her a vibrator that he says is an electric thermometer. He shows her how it works by putting it into her mouth and then into her snatch as she likes a lollipop. They get it on and when he leaves he tells her he’ll be back to see her mom soon. The house is a busy place, however, as shortly after an insurance salesman (Ralph Harper) shows up at the door. Lolita is wearing her mother’s clothes and make up and he thinks she’s the mother and Lolita seduces him. They get it on in the living room and off he goes. When Lolita’s parents come home she’s drinking wine in her mother’s dress. Cut to Tigr’s house where we find out that her dad was the insurance guy!
The next day a friend of Lolita’s dad (Doug Hamilton) stops by for a visit. Dad’s not home so Lolita seduces him too. After they finish getting it on, Lolita tells him he owes her a hundred dollars. He’s not upset by this at all as the bad theme song plays one last time and we see the school bus that opened the film driving off. Apparently there is a VHS release of this film that fuzzes any of the dialogue that mentions Lolita’s age. This version does not do that.
Casting: Copper Penny, Angel Burgeon, Tammy, K.C. Valentine, Tigr
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